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is this anything

~ a compendium, by Nancy Coughlin

is this anything

Tag Archives: freedom

to live (a quote from Emily Dickinson)

23 Tuesday May 2017

Posted by is this anything in quotation, Uncategorized

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balance, both, emily dickinson, freedom, happiness, life, miracle, quotation, truth, wisdom, yin yang, zen

“To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.”

―Emily Dickinson

Duck-photobombs-his-friends-resizecrop--

 

possible (a quote from Sengcan)

09 Tuesday May 2017

Posted by is this anything in first principles (revised often), quotation, zen

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Tags

freedom, surrender, zen

 

polar bear diving

“For the unified mind in accord with the Way all self-centered striving ceases. Doubts and irresolutions vanish and life in true faith is possible. With a single stroke we are freed from bondage; nothing clings to us and we hold nothing. All is empty, clear, self-illuminating, with no exertion of the mind’s power.”  –Sengcan

 

Sea change (a poem)

23 Tuesday Aug 2016

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bioluminescence, change, freedom, grace, metaphor, miracle, poem, recovery

Bioluminescence-at-sea-23409

Sea change

Diverge from paths that wreck you needlessly.
Heel sharply leeward. Plow a new lane, lit
succinctly by synaptic sparks that flit
like fireflies in a miner’s headlamp. See–

like phytoplankton woken by the wake
of midnight ships–your bioluminescence.
However faint and mythical, its blessings
enlighten every typhoon trail you take.

How desperate, how brave you must become,
then–heart lashed to the groaning helm—how free:
Re-draw your chart by plankton-light, mid-sea.
And mark in bold those routes that lead you home.

catching up to myself (a tweet)

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by is this anything in twitter tweets, zen

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freedom, happiness, surrender, tweet, zen

Every day, lately, I thrill to some sudden reminder that I’m finally becoming who I’ve been all along.

penguin girl

 

 

 

With winter nearing, I remember spring (a poem)

23 Monday May 2016

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acceptance, apophenia, death, freedom, grief, love, memory, mom, poem, transience

Flower With Snow 11

With winter nearing

With winter nearing, I remember spring:
A fickle March, before my mother died.
Her bed lay flush with window. Side by side,
We watched another snowfall—wondering

At all the forms a snowflake takes: like bone
Turned ash, like milkweed floss, like feather.
Tonight they fell in tufts that clung together,
But for a few who braved the fall alone.

Heavy, wet, yet floating. It was night,
The storm lit from beneath. (My mother’s room
Was lucky, disconcerting midnight gloom
By posing, drapes pulled wide, above the light

That advertised the doors below, where hearse
And ambulance were meant to go.) We watched
The snow in halogenic awe untouched,
Unbroken now, by dietician, nurse,

Aide, hospice worker, laundress, orderly,
Their squeaking soles no longer restless hounds
That whined and sniffed at daylit doors; their rounds
Unspooled at last. And so we lay there free.

We lay there, clumped and clinging, and we felt
That we might never die, but only melt.

zen trick (a tweet)

30 Saturday Apr 2016

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choice, freedom, surrender, tweet, zen

If I’m at my best when I have no other choice, the trick must be to choose to have no choice, yes?

Image

knowing (a tweet)

14 Thursday Apr 2016

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acceptance, apophenia, balance, comfort, freedom, grace, grief, paradox, suffering, thinking out loud, transience, tweet, zen

ants stick

The knowing is beautiful. Thus, the struggle that brought you the knowing–mustn’t that also be beautiful?

write as if (a quote from Lori Lansens)

10 Tuesday Mar 2015

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freedom, lori lansens, quotation, truth, writing

desert-island-laptop1

Write…as if you’ll never be read. That way you’ll be sure to tell the truth. –Lori Lansens

write (a quote from Emil Cioran)

12 Monday Jan 2015

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freedom, helplessness, quotation, writing

laurel hardy

Write books only if you say in them things you would not dare confide to anyone. –Emil Cioran

life hack (a tweet)

14 Sunday Dec 2014

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family, freedom, happiness, illusion, love, marriage, music, serenity

patty duke

Singing around the house is a good way to talk to yourself without people knowing you talk to yourself. #zen #Lifehack

 

foolish (a quote from Rumi)

14 Friday Nov 2014

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choice, freedom, happiness, play, quotation, rumi, serenity, writing

ta da

Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah…it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you. –Rumi

unlearning (a quote from Amy Poehler)

05 Wednesday Nov 2014

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balance, feminism, freedom, happiness, quotation, truth, wisdom, women

Jerry-Painting-Leslie-large

It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.
― Amy Poehler

more (a quote from Ram Dass)

07 Tuesday Oct 2014

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awareness, balance, both, freedom, grace, illusion, quotation, slice of life, transience, zen

“Learn to watch your drama unfold while at the same time knowing you are more than your drama.” ―Ram Dass

cat knife

courage (quote from Anais Nin)

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

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anais nin, courage, freedom, happiness, quotation, writing

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. –Anais Nin

Bhph3QACYAANOPr

apophenia in writing (random thoughts)

06 Saturday Sep 2014

Posted by is this anything in Evolving ideas, random thought

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apophenia, both, coincidence, comfort, creativity, freedom, helplessness, illusion, memoir, memory, pareidolia, pattern, randomness, surrender, synchronicity, thinking out loud, writing, zen

fish constellation

The art of accident, the accident of art. Serendipity. Synchronicity. Coincidence. Luck. A world in which “success” and “failure” coexist. Where what feels like choice, also feels like surrender. Finding patterns in wallpaper, a piece of toast, the relative positions of stars–how different is this from configuring a unified plot from my life’s for-all-I-know random moments? Writing a memoir (writing anything) is an exercise in what I want to call “the management of apophenia.” Apophenia: the innate human tendency to find patterns in randomness. Michael Shermer, who wrote The Believing Brain, calls it “patternicity.” (Note to self: maybe I should too?)

So, “managing apophenia.” As far as I can gather, it’s the same practice as what I’ve heard other people call “harnessing serendipity.” At any rate, as I write this book I watch myself collate, from what may well have been a haphazard life, only those moments that my apophenic mind has singled out as vital to my “story”–and meanwhile viewing a million other moments as extraneous, as ignorable white noise. And how many events have I forgotten entirely, or never truly experienced as they happened, because they didn’t fit my evolving, concocted self-narrative? What details have I left out of focus, in the blurry background of the photo? (And don’t get me started on all the things that might have happened to me but happened not to happen.)

Without knowing it, I’ve spent my life culling memories, leaving only those that befit my apophenic self-vision. It’s what we all do, I imagine. It’s how we remember and distinguish ourselves as selves instead of hapless, nameless waves in an indifferent ocean. This is how we make “sense” of it all. When we view the night sky we have two basic choices: to be dumbstruck by chaotic infinity, or to superimpose a mythology.

The trick of it all, it seems to me, is to recognize and manage our innate search for patterns. The first step must be to comprehend that the patterns are indeed self-created, and not (necessarily) objectively “real.” But reality, of course, is a bit overrated. Sometimes a useful fiction gets you farther than a useless truth. We were born to invent a world out of random flecks of residue. The trick, now, is to waken to the whole of it, to understand that background and foreground, importance and trivia, failure and success, are objectively meaningless, so you might as well train your eyes to locate patterns that might help you best explain your myth, metaphorize your story.

pareidolia in art (quote from Leonardo da Vinci)

17 Sunday Aug 2014

Posted by is this anything in quotation, random thought

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accident, apophenia, art, both, coincidence, freedom, illusion, James Lawley, Leonardo da Vinci, metaphor, Nassim Nicholas Taleb, pareidolia, quotation, randomness, serendipity, transience, wabi sabi, writing, zen

[Pareidolia is ‘a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant, a form of apophenia.’]

From wikipedia:  In his notebooks, Leonardo da Vinci wrote of pareidolia as a device for painters:

“If you look at any walls spotted with various stains or with a mixture of different kinds of stones, if you are about to invent some scene you will be able to see in it a resemblance to various different landscapes adorned with mountains, rivers, rocks, trees, plains, wide valleys, and various groups of hills. You will also be able to see divers combats and figures in quick movement, and strange expressions of faces, and outlandish costumes, and an infinite number of things which you can then reduce into separate and well conceived forms.”

pareidolia (1)

 

July 7, 2004 (ten-year-old journal entry)

08 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by is this anything in autism, journal entry, vignette

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acceptance, autism, balance, childhood, choice, family, fatherhood, freedom, grief, helplessness, journal, love, memory, motherhood, slice of life, surrender

July 7, 2004

When I say goodbye­–when I try to say goodbye—they put their arms around me, one from one side, one from the other. And they cling there. Henry says, Okay Beck, here’s the plan—we don’t let go and she never gets away.

Becky had a dream–she and Henry were chasing me.

It takes such courage to let me go—I must have done something wrong. It should be easier than this. Their lives shouldn’t suspend themselves in midair when I’m out of sight. It all makes me very nervous—I hate the goodbyeing. The long drawn-out process, the hug I have to wrench myself away from, the sad faces, hurt faces as if I’m betraying them by wanting something separate. I can’t walk into a room without their watching my every move. Today Becky tells me her tale of woe. Then Henry walks in and says, “When she’s done complaining to you, I get to be next.”

statue-juggling-plane-perfect-timing

less ( a tweet)

25 Wednesday Jun 2014

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balance, choice, freedom, less, loss, love, metaphor, mijn imkertje, serenity, simplicity, surrender, tweet, zen

The joy of less: if I choose the narrow bed, any blanket will be wide enough to cover it.Image

Icari (thinking out loud)

20 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by is this anything in Evolving ideas, journal entry, random thought

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adventure, bliss, bruegel, freedom, grace, icarus, illusion, metaphor, paradox, play, surrender, thinking out loud, zen

Glancing up from armchair reverie, I watch two BASE-jumpers on a PBS documentary called “The Birdmen”. They leap from the fabulous cliff, wearing suits with stunted wings—not so much wings as webbing, as if their outflung arms and legs are tissued to their bodies–brightly flavored sails that billow as the young men fall. They look like neon kites, these men, and they fly seemingly free for a long while–relatively speaking–and then when the time is ripe they open parachutes and float the final yardage to the ground.

As the first one lands, the camera rushes in and asks how-do-you-feel. The jumper shouts terrific great whooohooooo. Then the other man returns to earth and the camera can only, mutely, watch as the flyers recombine—wide-eyed, whooping, babbling but articulate, reviewing every millimoment—each angle of the sun, each sudden rocky outcrop, each barely traversable river of wind, and it’s clear not just that they’re brothers now, at least for this moment, but that the two of them speak a language different from the rest of us–an idiom very complex, full of shortcuts and inside jokes, exotically precise in its vocabulary, references, metaphors, silences. We are, all of us—or nearly all of us–outsiders to their vision. They have no way, not really, to explain who they’ve become, who they’re becoming, who they’ve been all along—no way and maybe no need to explain such impossibles to the earthbound likes of us. Even when, later (as I half-hear them, from the kitchen now), they conjure similes (“free as an eagle”…) to express to the camera the feeling, the meaning of their adventure, comparisons don’t help; the abyss between us is unbridgeable. We can’t know what they know unless or until we do what they’ve done.

And this is an essence of zen, too, I think—if you meander far enough along the nowhere path, you start to learn and speak, however haltingly, a language no one else can know unless they’ve been here too. And it can leave you feeling alone, if you don’t feel a partner beside you on your adventure: someone in the same clownish, precarious costume, poised atop the same magnificent cliff, wishing you smooth sailing as you both leap—whooohooooo!–into the void of no-mind. It can feel lonely, plunging into that placeless place alone. But of course you have to not-mind feeling precisely thus, even as you also see–with your usual wry laugh at how (again!) you’ve had to re-recall it–that you’re not alone at all. We’re all flames in the fireplace, dancing like puppets up from behind a guileful log. We each seem singular, independent of each other, so that it’s only when we really look–beneath, behind, around, past, through–that we see how fused we are. We’re fingers of the same hand, leaves drifting downward from the same tall tree, offshoots from the same root, flames rising high and low from the same all-nurturing, all-consuming fire.

icarus2

summary (poem)

27 Thursday Feb 2014

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freedom, helplessness, poem, randomness, surrender, thinking out loud, zen

The trick, as ever, is not minding. The trick: allow yourself no choice. Never/always losing/finding. Gone, the actor. Mute, the voice.

 

forget (Rumi)

25 Monday Nov 2013

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freedom, poems, zen

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”                                                      –Rumi

Image

a field (Rumi)

21 Thursday Nov 2013

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freedom, friendship, love, miracle, quotation

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.
–RumiImage

willing (a tweet)

16 Saturday Nov 2013

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acceptance, freedom, surrender

Reminder to my self: I’m allowed to want something to the exact degree I’m willing to let it go.

Embedded image permalink

August, 2013

To Grief (a tweet)

16 Saturday Nov 2013

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freedom, grief, surrender

To Grief: I lay my heart open to you, however long your visit here, however soon your return. (August, 2013)

bridge with mandalic reflection

more and more (Van Gogh)

16 Saturday Nov 2013

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freedom, quotations, zen

“I try more and more to be myself, caring relatively little whether people approve or disapprove.”                                                                                 –Vincent Van Goghpinky tuscadero

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acceptance apophenia autism balance both choice comfort compassion freedom grace grief happiness illusion love memory metaphor paradox poem quotation randomness serendipity serenity surrender thinking out loud transience tweet writing zen

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